I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
