No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
