If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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