just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
