The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
