I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
