but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
