Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
