He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I want is dick and wine.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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