in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
