Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
