he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
