Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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