Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
