i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
