I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Acid is not a monday night drug
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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