I think I died a long time ago.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
