I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
