I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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