do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
