do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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