I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
