she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
