Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
