So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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