don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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