It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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