And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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