sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The best revenge is premature balding
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
