Betty ford says i'm here all night
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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