how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
