so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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