he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
