bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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