census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
