I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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