Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
