I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
