The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
