When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
