shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
