I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
