So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
