This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
