I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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