I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
