I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
