My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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