I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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