im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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